rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
