Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
