i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
