oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there's paper in my vomit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize