I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
