Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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