fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
