My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
