Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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