Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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