Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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