I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
