He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
