Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
