I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ttyl tear gas
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
