I just pynch a tree in the face
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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