I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
