Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
