I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
