Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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