The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
