Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
