i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
