I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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