My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize