did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
MIDGETS
????
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
