how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
