One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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