We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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