i may or may not be watching the land before time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
