We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
