hell yes lets make some ravioli
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you. Go after that dick
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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