Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
