Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just invented taco cereal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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