where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
