I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
