break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
