I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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