She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
