hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
