You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
