A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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