god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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