I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
