Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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