Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
