Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
