Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
3pm strippers are depressing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Enjoy the penises
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
