Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
