fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
