I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
