why didn't you poke me back
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
