shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
