I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
