I'm lost and stupid without you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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