I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Enjoy the penises
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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