Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
