Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
