wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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