oh god the rape fog is back!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
