If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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