This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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