Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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