she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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