you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
