for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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