she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
