Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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