I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
