In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
