We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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